Tempers Flared
Confronting Internal Anger and Turning Over a New Leaf
Big time IMO: anger is a projection of some internal shit. It could be something irking you or something you haven’t worked through to completion. Those parasitic thoughts refusing to evaporate without the proper attention. Digging deep and reflecting to conquer these demons is no small task. Life always gets in the way, which opens the door to additional negative stimuli. All of a sudden, you have The Monstars doing the 3-man weave in your mind that causes you to scream obscenities at the guy running the bodega because he upcharged your Quest Bar. No bueno.
I’ve dealt with anger in my life to the max. There’s Graham, and then there’s the Agro Graham, which is basically my version of The Nega Chin. A dark cloud looms over this guy as he projects his own hatred to those who don’t deserve it. Some might, but when you look back, it’s always a waste of time.
Now, that makes me out to be a horrible guy, but truthfully, I wasn’t different than anyone else – especially in New York. Back then, I’d go to work, get mentally pulverized for far too many hours, and then split my time in an illogical way. I was perpetuating bad habits as a result of situation I had no control over… or so I thought.
The situation certainly sucked (say that 5x fast), but in those moments, you have all the control in the world to process things accordingly. I used to be a huge internalizer, which means I bottled things up and waited for a bouncer to yell at my friend before going absolutely XGames mode. Dumb! Maybe they deserved it for being a bully, but like, dude… it’s a bouncer. Choose your battles wisely. So, instead of putting yourself in situations where you’re destined to fail, get your mind right first. That means when the gang is hitting the club this weekend, and you’ve been on a mean streak; sit this one out. Go do something peaceful and get to a happy place before you put yourself on display. Here’s what I did.
Answer some key questions:
What in my life do I find unsatisfactory or toxic?
Is that thing, habit, or person out of your control?
If it is in your control, try less of it or cut it out altogether. It’s evident that thing is causing you mental anguish, so confront it now instead of later.
If it isn’t in your control, find ways to manage it. Maybe it’s breathing exercises. Maybe it’s copping a diffusor on Amazon. Maybe it’s talking to a relative more. Mayyyyybe see a therapist.
Are you self-conscious of expressing these emotions to someone that isn’t you? Ask yourself, why?
Finally, are you willing to confront this thing straight up? It can be scary, and whatever it is plaguing you can smell fear.
It’s all fun and games until you make a serious mistake that derails your life. I can’t say I’ve been in a fight, but I can say there’s nothing dumber than getting in one. Don’t be punching people in the face. You use that hand to shake others and make connections. Be honest with yourself and be cognizant of the environments you put yourself in. Above all, stay woke on mixing in the juice when you’re in that headspace. You get a little alcohol at play and that filter vanishes. I’ve seen it first-hand.
About The Series
Sometimes you gotta set your own deadlines to get where you wanna go. 15 articles for 15 weeks, all randomly selected until we reach the last. Maybe then I’ll form the habit? Each week selected and announced through TikTok if anyone cares.
Graham Olney
Graham is the host of Tough To Say (sorry, Barry). In hopes of forming better writing habits, he’s committing to a 15 week self-imposed program to sharpen the skills.